just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is Oprah even human
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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