His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
