so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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