If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
