Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
