guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
