There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
