Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
