11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
