There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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