i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
