its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
