I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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