wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
