I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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