I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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