Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
