Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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