11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
