It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
