your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
