note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
