Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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