Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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