Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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