I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
