My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
