Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
