I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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