i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to cum in my sink.
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