hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
