This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
