how can u be prego again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
