The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
