i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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