You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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