I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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