Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
