I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i dont even know how to be here
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
