It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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