They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
