As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
