Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
