ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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