My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
