everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
