Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
