i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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