I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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