remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
