My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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