So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
