Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
