How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
