I think I won the penis lottery.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
