I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
