It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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