Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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