You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i drank out of a bidet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
