I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
