On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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