If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
worst night to have a conscience
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
