You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
