I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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