If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize