I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
