vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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