The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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