Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
