i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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