I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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