well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
