Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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