Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
