my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
