turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
