We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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